Bachelorette Recap, Tayshia, Ep. 6: Holy Smokeshow
Tayshia’s ability to rock a satin dress is at the level of Kate Hudson in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and it’s making me wonder if I shouldn’t have let bridesmaids dresses scar me into vetoing this fabric from my wardrobe.
We pick back up with a group date. Yes, she’s wearing a satin dress in daylight hours and yes, it works. But honestly, does anyone else miss the good old days when you didn’t have to rack your brain to remember where things left off? When every episode ended with a rose ceremony and a shot off 25 champagne glasses cheersing into the air? Maybe it’s mom brain, but I really need more structure in order for my memory to keep up.
Tayshia and the group date guys walk into a makeshift classroom (just assume all things will be makeshift this season) and there’s a spotlight on a manikin wearing an apron and holding a baby. The voice of a fake-announcer deeply proclaims into the empty air that Tayshia is looking for a GROWN A** MAN, and Tayshia looks mortified. She’s so normal! I LOVE YOU TAYSHIA!
Lights flicker on, and out emerge Ashley I and Jared, Bachelor Nation’s favorite couple to hate-love. I see that Ashley has not outgrown the 2014 off the shoulder crop top look she loves so deeply, but I’m going to let her live. You do you, girl.
They emcee this date so that Chris Harrison can take a well-deserved break, and put the guys through a series of tests to see who is a real man and who is a “man child.” Bennett, our trusty Harvard grad, misspells limousine and vocally questions the wording of a math question he got wrong, but I forgive him because he has a charming smile and is besties with Eazy.
Next, they do a one-on-one tug-of-war type situation where they’re strapped by their waists and have to pull the other guy far enough (both running in opposite directions) to reach a bouquet on the table in front of them. Why a bouquet? Why not a bottle of wine? Grown a** men should know what a woman truly wants.
Bennett apparently has an old football injury (this is incongruent with how I see him) and doesn’t participate. The other guys scoff. What kind of grown man refuses to tie himself to another dude and run in opposite directions?? Child!!
The last “challenge” is to bring Tayshia breakfast in bed. I shudder at the thought of crumbs. Eating in bed is the least relaxing thing I could possibly imagine, but Bachelor producers love a good cliche so here we are. Chasen decides to take his shirt off and climb onto the bed beside her, offering “himself” as the main course. Bold. I give it a 7/10. Delivery could’ve been worse. Idea could’ve been better.
Bennett delivers beignets in a white robe and then feeds her gently and somehow he pulls it off so smoothly that I immediately forgive his mother for paying his way into Harvard. (Anyone else see that Aunt Becky meme after he misspelled “limousine”? I die.)
Somewhere in the midst of all of this, we learn that Ashley I doesn’t cover her nose when she sneezes and somehow this does not surprise me.
Bennett wins the grown a** man award! Chasen is mad about it. I roll my eyes because competitive people can be so ridiculous. CHASEN ALL HE GOT WAS A FAKE DIPLOMA. IT’S REALLY GOING TO BE OKAY.
This guy Ed who I didn’t know was on this show until just now received the “man child” award, meaning he was forced to carry around a baby the rest of the night. He named it Carlos. At this point, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Ed even exists.
Bennett gives us a super cringey moment when he tries to pull Tayshia aside immediately when she arrives for the group date cocktail party, and she’s like “Wait let me say hi to everyone first.” And THEN Chasen grabs her hand and asks her to go talk, and she goes with him instead of Bennett and immediately I’m convinced Bennett is going straight home. Which would make me really sad because he’s like a caricature of a preppy ivy leaguer and I enjoy watching that level of royal poshness on my screen.
Editors were too nervous to stick with the no house drama edit from last week, which is a real shame. We get some lame little drama between Ed (wow just reallyyyyy poppin’ up out of nowhere) and Chasen. Turns out Ed got a perfect math score on his SAT which is why Bennett is on his side, but he’d also get a perfect score on “how to press someone’s buttons” because he’s taking his slight annoyance with Chasen and really stirring the pot. Probably because Chasen’s pot is really stirrable. Still, in this situation, I actually feel kind of bad for Chasen!
So, Ed’s issue is that Chasen called Tayshia a smokeshow. But he ALSO called Clare a smokeshow. So he must not actually be interested in them as individuals. Feels like a reach, if you ask me. I think you can find two different people attractive and use the same adjective to describe them. Call me crazy. Side note: Am I the only person not offended by the term “smoke show”? Seems like a hot debate on social meeds.
Ed gets under Chasen’s skin by calling his shirt a size “shmedium” and poor Chase isn’t the brightest bulb in the box, so little digs at things like his shirt being too tight are the exact right way to piss him off. Ed knows this. He just lays on the zingers while holding baby Carlos and basks in Chase’s overreactions.
Tayshia is annoyed by the drama and gives the group date rose to Ivan, the chess-loving cutie who is probably second to Eazy in being the most stoked that Tayshia replaced Clare. She also had a nice convo with Ben who is very attractive but only from certain angles.
Now it’s time for the rose ceremony cocktail party! WAIT WHAT?? Gosh I’m so confused. I guess Brendan’s one-on-one date was for this rose week...it’s all very confusing. I don’t know what’s happening. I immediately think it’s the end of the episode but turns out we have a whole nother group date coming up. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE PRODUCERS!
At the cocktail party, Chasen calls Ed and Bennett Batman and Robin, but he is Wolverine and Wolverine is coming out tonight!
Oh my.
Tayshia gets minorly involved with the Ed-Chasen drama but mostly focuses on how into Zac C and Brendan she is. Here’s my top 4 prediction:
Zac C
Brendan
Ben
Noah
[runner up: Eazy, who could replace Ben, because eventually both of them will be friend-zoned]
*JUST MY PREDICTION*
Roses go to:
Zac C
Riley
Ben
Demar
Bennett
Spencer
Jordan
Noah
Joe
Blake
Ed
Chasen
If you’ll remember from 40 years ago, Brendan got a rose on the one-on-one and Eazy got the last group date rose, so they’re both still here too. Plus Ivan, who got the most recent group date rose.
KEEP UP.
Okay, I truly was about to turn off Hulu before they all of a sudden began a new “week” with another group date. She takes half the guys to an old storage room at La Quinta that has been transformed into a wrestling ring. After making them take off their shirts and lathering them with oil (can you imagine a guy doing this to girls??? I’m having a hard time with it), they’re each paired for a WWE style wrestling match with no pads or helmets. Um, no one wants to be hospitalized with Covid around! Ugh bad idea producers!!
Joe suddenly emerges as my favorite because he’s not as ripped as the rest of the meatheads and makes light of it with funny “trash talk” by saying things like “you’re so nice!!!” really loud in his opponents face. HAHAH Joeeee look at you, you’re so cute. I like you.
To absolutely no one’s surprise, Ed and Chasen are assigned to battle it out after a few other guys have their go at it. Ed suddenly takes Chris Harrison aside to inform him that his shoulders “constantly” dislocate, so he’s unfit for this challenge. CONSTANTLY DISLOCATE?! Okay, Ed.
Chasen decides this must mean Ed is scared of him and Chasen is correct.
Wells Adams is commentating the matches alongside Chris Harrison and I’m trying to remember the days when not every single dude on the show was ripped like a CrossFit gym owner. Aw, Wells! So scrawny! So cute!
Since Chasen no longer has a partner and wants to compete for the winning prize of more time with Tayshia, Chris Harrison invites anyone to step up and compete against him. The guys who are not on this group date were serving as the “live audience” watching the matches behind the 7 foot chainlink fence. Noah suddenly hops the fence-- a move I did NOT see coming since he’s a registered travel nurse-- and says he’s going to do it.
Bro isn’t even on the date, but he quickly removes his shirt, gets oiled up by Tayshia, and gets to business being destroyed by Chasen.
Because of his bravery, though, Tayshia invites him on the night portion of the group date.
I’ll let you guess how the other guys react.
Because Noah has the energy of a hackysack player in high school, he obviously monopolizes Tayshia’s time at the cocktail party by having her shave off his mustache. (Yep this is the dude with the ironic mustache.)
And, because duh, Noah gets the group date rose even though he wasn’t even technically supposed to be on the date.
Chasen calls Noah’s “double-dip” in Tayshia Time a “sin.” WOW.
Ben is particularly sad because he thought he was being mature by waiting his turn to talk to Tayshia, but then she ended the night before he ever got around to chatting with her. When he tried to salvage things at the end, she told him the night is over and that she’s disappointed he didn’t find her earlier (in front of all the guys). Dannggggg Tayshia. I thought she really liked Ben, but she’s not playing around. We’ll see how that goes for him next week. He handled being shut down very well, though. I’ll give him that.
Next week looks unmemorable and like a typical week of Bachelor shenanigans! Frankly, just what the doctor ordered! Ah, I’m really enjoying the typical nature of Tayshia’s Bachelorette journey. Lay it on me.